This is a post Ive been trying to find the time to write and because I wanted it written well its taken me some time.
The day was June 30 2013 and it was the most amazing day. We were having our youngest son, Mason, dedicated in our church. I remember going to church that day and feeling completely uncomfortable because I had to get on that stage in front of so many people and I was still carrying to much baby weight. I just felt mortified even though I chose to have him dedicated. Makes sense right? The day was like any normal Sunday except that it wasn’t. That day was the day Jesus chose to save me and change my life forever!
Prior to having my son I wasn’t entirely interested in being a Christian. I always believed in God and believed that He was out there somewhere but I didn’t have any kind of relationship with Him and I didn’t feel worthy of His love. Growing up in a different religion I was taught that you have to work for His love and considering my past I didn’t feel worthy of being anything other than a mistake and a screw up. I made so many mistakes when I was younger that I simply couldn’t fix and I felt like those mistakes defined me even at 32 years old.
My husband was saved in 2005 and for all of those years he had tried to speak the gospel into my heart. I just honestly wasn’t ready to hear it. On September 27 2012 I found out I was pregnant with Mason and 3 days later my husband lost his very secure job. My head was spinning at that point. How could I be pregnant, something we planned, and yet now he has no job!? How could we afford to take care of two kids and a pregnancy with no job. I was completely terrified. While we were going over the finances my husband told me we really couldn’t afford to do much of anything and in that moment all I could remember saying was “Can we at least still go to church?” That was never a huge priority for me before. I have to believe that God put that there because He had the best plan for me. He was going to use this layoff to bring me to Him. From that point on we went to church every single week unless we were sick and throughout my pregnancy there was a gradual change. About halfway through my pregnancy we were invited to attend a small group and at first I was not at all interested. I did not want to go hang out with a bunch of acquaintances and talk about the bible. I just was not interested….at all. But about an hour before the group was going to start I felt this intense desire to go and so we did. Not only did I have an amazing time but we went to that group faithfully for the next year and a half and not only did I make friends for life but I learned about Jesus. I learned about what the bible says about Jesus, not what the world tells you and I realized I was so wrong for so long.
The day of the baby dedication was the day my life was transformed. I was terrified to get on that stage in front of all those people but even though I wasn’t a Christian at that time I felt inside my soul that I wanted my kids to grow up knowing and believing that God loved them and that they could have Him in their lives and He could be the ultimate protector of their lives. We got to church and the time came to go up on stage and I honestly went up on that stage as one person and walked off as someone completely new. The Lord did something amazing up on that stage and I felt it. I felt the Spirit all around me – something I had NEVER experienced in my life. And when I got off the stage I felt completely different. I remember everything about that day. I remember who was speaking, what the sermon was about, even what worship songs we sang. I had never been so in sync with Jesus until that day. After church we were supposed to go to a birthday party and all I remember was wanting to go home and read the bible. I didn’t want to go anywhere but home and I wanted to read. In the next few weeks I didn’t even realize what had happened to me – I just felt so different and I felt this closeness to the Lord that I had never experienced before. It wasn’t until an older lady at church asked my husband “So when was your wife saved?” did I realize what had happened. Jesus chose me. He wanted me and He loved me and He saved me and I gave Him my heart and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior and I have never regretted it.
“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.”
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
~2 Corinthians 5:17
This June will be four years ago that my life was completely changed and while a lot of things in my life have changed there is one thing that has not: my heart will forever belong to Jesus and that’s not something I take lightly or that I’m embarrassed to say or talk about. I’m happy about and I feel honored to be one of His daughters. In a broken, messed up world He gives me hope every single day and I strive to live and love like Him every single day. I am not perfect. I am flawed and broken just like everyone else but that brokenness is why we need Jesus. Its why we have to give Him our hearts and our lives and accept Him as the author and perfecter of our lives. Only through Him can we experience real peace and real joy in our lives.
I hope you all enjoyed this and I hope it inspired you to look to Him for all things.